10 Unforgettable Boarding House Experiences

10. *Homesick:
Some days like that, you will just stay and remember your father, mother, sister, brothers enjoying at home. And you’re still in Jss 1 oh, u neva even see anything. You’ll wonder how you’ll be able to survive your remaining 5 years ‘jail term’ with hard labour. You will cry and cry as if somebody beat you. Chai! Poor child.

9. *Cooking Indomie with pressing iron or boiling ring:


This crude method of cooking noodles is for those who cannot eat their indomie raw like biscuit. But if you get caught by a matron, you’ll explain whether the school has not been feeding you with ‘good’ food.

8. *Same sex love:


Most students ended up becoming bunk buddies, playing husband/wife roles between themselves. We understand…such long periods with the same species can play games on the mind. Hope u have repented sha?

7. *Cabin flakes and Rice and ketchup:


These were life savers! How else could boarders have survived the half bread and river-coloured tea for breakfast or the watery beans and stew-less rice with maggi-size meat? Come, na dog food?

6. *kitchen women:
My God will judge these ones. We know the corrupt practices that goes on in the school kitchen. The way these women shorten students ration and reserve large portions of foodstuff for personal use, somebody with conscience cannot do that. And you people can eat students food for Africa. Chai! The way una take big like yokozuna, una like am? Make una fear God o. Fear gawd!

5. *Fake gate-pass:
We will not come and die for you people in this school. Once in a while, you may need to see what the city looks like or engage in one kain outside school runs. But you will need to fake your exit papers. Anybody dat can successfully fake a gate pass can fake a visa to any country in the world. Students who did that are heroes. Lol.

4. *Bullying:


The fear of a senior student is the beginning of wisdom, Cos dem no get joy at all. You will do senior’s laundry with your own soap, run errands, serve them your own food, dash them your provision and thank them for accepting it, you will entertain them too with different
displays. Is dat what i came to school to do? To become suffer- head? Kuku kill me.

3. *Senior school mother/father:
If you have a good-hearted school parent, insurance cover you jare. You can goan find trouble as u like. Do anyhow and nobody will tosh you. You may even inherit their properties when they graduate. School parents are the real MVP!

2. *Witchcraft:


After lights-out when everyone is expected to sleep, this is when some students will become very active and begin to manifest their powers. That is how they’ll be flying from Hostel A to Hostel D. Cat sound and bat sound will come from left, right and centre. You cannot leave your
bed to pee at that hour of the night, unless u have liver or odi eshi. Biko, I cover myself with the blood of Jesus.

1. *Stealing of provisions:


If you’ve not mastered the art of sealing your bags and lockers with big padlock and industrial chain, just know that you have willingly offered
your provisions to serve as ‘operation feed the nation’. No time abeg!

FACE OF THE CAVE FOR THE WEEK (Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence)

They’re cool, confident, and look sexy. I decided to switch up things a little bit, by bringing on the baaaddest (in a good way) folks I could find. They’ve got lots of swag. And… We. Are. Here. For. This.

Now, Kelvin looks amazing – ok hot, if you think so too.
Handsome Kelvin makes it a top priority to co-ordinate his attires in a simple fashionable way, giving us the ‘mean’ bad boy look, sure to get him noticed. Lol…
And Faith decided to slay us with her sexiness! We love the short hair and flawless skin. What a beauty!

I think these two are among the best faces we’ve had in a while. Scroll down to see more of them!


Name: Okunwe faith odigie
State: Edo


Date of birth: 28th of October
School: Ambrose Alli University (Graduate)


Likes: Love going places, dancing, trying new dishes
Dislikes: Lies and dirtiness


Favourite quote: “There is one thing in life that can’t be replaced ‘time’. We can’t choose our time but we can decide what to do with the time given to us”
Contact: 7AD582C3


Name: Nnanyere Smartkelvins
State: Imo
Date of birth: 6th of May


Field: History and international relation (IMSU)
Hobbies: Hanging out


Likes/dislikes: Peace/arrogance
Personality: Rough rider (lol whatever that means) analytical and vibrant!


Favourite quote- “a man who who fails in life,has no reason whatsoever, for his failure.”
Contact: Nnanyere Smartkelvins (Facebook)

To qualify for the next Face of the cave series
*Have your profile be a clear face shot.
*Give a brief description of yourself and please make sure to include your likes, dislikes and hobbies.
*Submit them to the chatterbox team within four days from now via bbm pin- 2898fd68 or inbox Bismark Ekenedilichukwu Benson on Facebook.

Cheers to the new Face of the cave!

Share your thoughts on this week’s faces in the comment box.
We’d also love for you to stay in touch with us! The best way to keep up to date is to subscribe to Bismark’s Cave. You can do this by tapping the ‘follow’ option.

Quote of the week- “Nobody knows what’s best for you better than you. Do you!” – Bismark Ekenedilichukwu Benson

Evolution of Picture Taking On Social Media

Selfie

The journey…
They started by bending and curving their legs like a plier in photos. Posing like the physically challenged was the new sexy back then. Our girls saw nothing wrong with it. Smh

Selfie1.jpg

Later on, ‘mirror shots’ taken with ipads took over.
Our daughters would either stick out their tongues like panting dogs or have their lips protrude in front of a mirror in their attempt at pouting.
The boys were not left out too. They stood in front of mirrors to capture their six-pack, even the ones with chests as flat as ‘aboki’ slippers joined the craze.

 

Slide1.JPG

Before we knew it, they moved on to photo filter apps. They would erase their God-given features and apply unnatural features on their photos. During that era, no girl was ugly, cos some of them used these android phone apps to double the size of their yansh! Many boys were fooled, deceived, played! Hey God! Many experimented with their complexion with these apps. Some were done in poor taste, cos they looked like sculptures, mannequins and portraits in photos. Others had faces that appeared as if it was dipped in white emulsion paint.

Selfie.jpg

They progressed to holding long ugly rods in their photos. At first glance, one would think it’s a household tool used for removing cobwebs. It turned out to be “selfie sticks”. Owning a selfie stick was life goal for many young people.
Pictures taken with selfie sticks flooded all social media platforms. You will see photos with about 10 happy rascals queuing behind the stick holder.

Selfie(5)

As if all these wasn’t enough, Children of the last days now take photos with their faces hidden with one hand, pointing up North or South.
They call this one “dab”.
Some even have the nerve to use captions like ‘dab for Jesus’. Chai! Chukwu oma, have mercy!
*Clutches rosary and says a prayer for the sons and daughters of men*

Selfie(4)

Now they’ve taken it to another level. They’re now parading social media with ugu leaves and ewedu leaves on their head

FACE OF THE CAVE FOR THE WEEK (Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence)

Hi people, I’m pleased to introduce my faces of the week.
Let’s meet Victor, a very smart young man with a great sense of style, blessed with a terrific body which he makes sure to flaunt in these photos. I wonder if the ladies can handle it. Lol..

I also have Ada, the girl of the moment. Her charming face and amiable personality earned her this spot. Kudos.
I must say they both ROCK!


Name: Emeribe Adaugo
State: Imo
School: University of Nigeria, Nsukka
Likes: truth and simplicity


Dislikes: faking, lies
Hobbies: making new friends and travelling
Favourite quote: ‘we all do better when we work together, our differences matter, but our common humanity matters most’ – Bill Clinton
Contact: 07089472539


Name: Chikadibia Victor Chukwuebuka,
State: Imo State
Career: Mechanical Engineer/Bespoke Interior Designer
Likes: God and His Word, Reading, Chatting, Adventures, Classical music, Fashion, Creative Designing amongst others.


Dislikes: Dirt, Noise, Lies and people who do not motivate you or themselves towards all round success
Hobbies: See likes above, also love to travel and thread on new grounds. I love the beach and outdoors and i like to play scrabble a lot with close friends.
Favourite quote: ‘What goes around comes around’
Contact: Facebook: @Chukwuebuka Chikadibia, Instagram; @chukwuebuka89, Snapchat; @chukwuebuka9

To qualify for the next Face of the cave series
*Have your profile be a clear face shot.
*Give a brief description of yourself and please make sure to include your likes, dislikes and hobbies.
*Submit them to the chatterbox team within four days from now via bbm pin- 2898fd68 or inbox Bismark Ekenedilichukwu Benson on Facebook.

Cheers to the new Face of the cave!

Share your thoughts on this week’s faces in the comment box.
We’d also love for you to stay in touch with us! The best way to keep up to date is to subscribe to Bismark’s cave. You can do this by tapping the ‘follow’ option.

Quote of the week- “Do it right the first time”
– Bismark Ekenedilichukwu Benson

3 Classes of Beans (Ewa Agoyin) That Will Make You Salivate by Akhigbe Samson

You won’t understand this post if you don’t love the streets.
Some people have been endowed with the spirit of Beans making. ‘Emi Ewa sise ba le won”. The woman pictured is Iya Tasi, she is an Agoyin woman, her ancestors invented the best food for humanity – Ewa Agoyin. Her food saved thousands of poor people in Pako Aguda Surulere Lagos.

This is where it gets tricky. Inside that huge pot in front of her are 3 shades of Beans. Yes! She has mastered the art and science of Beans such that she can cook 3 levels of Beans in one “Koko Irin”. The 1st layer of Beans is the dry Beans. This category of Beans is strictly for eating rice. The upper echelon of the poverty scale are the ones who can afford it.

Akhigbe Samson

The second layer is Ewa Agoyin, the evergreen menu of the elitist poor. The third layer is the watery Beans. The watery Beans (Ewa olomi) is strictly for the poorest of poor people.
The water is good for gari mix. As you add garri, the watery extract absorbs it and forms concrete or konkere. The cake like mixture can be sliced with a knife. If you buy Ewa olomi of 50 Naira, you’ll need at least 5 pure water to wash it down. It is a preferred delicacy for Kings and princes like bricklayers, vulcaniser, mechanics and agberos..

I join other poor people world over to celebrate this jewel of inestimable value who has contributed immensely to the growth of Lagosians at home and in the diaspora.

Photo credit: #Baba_Laredo

10 Reasons You Don’t Want To Go To Church Anymore: by Olakunle Allison

Practices in the modern evangelical church that I will NEVER ever get over.
1. Comedy Shows or Stand Up Comedy in Churches.
Is the Church about Jokes now?
2. Award/Dinner Nights in churches.
What happens to selfless christian service and heavenly rewards?

3. Bodyguards or Ushers in churches looking like FBI/CIA Agents running everywhere.
Is the church under siege? This really freaks me out.
4. POS Machines in churches.
Maybe worshippers should pay their offerings into a designated bank account the next Monday morning. It gives the church some replica of sacred sanity, rather than look like a glorified Casino. Or maybe churches are scared their ‘magic’ would wear off before Monday?

5. Pulpit looking too much like a Concert Stage. Too many light works and special effects.
What is our main attraction? Christ or the others?
6. Everybody speaks in tongues that no one understands, yet nobody interprets.
How am I encouraged or edified if you motivate me in Latin where I’m Yoruba?

Olakunle Allison

7. Special King-size Seats for the Presiding Pastor and his Mrs.
Are you the Lord or Jesus?
8. Special Stooges who carry even the Pastor’s mobile phones and wife’s bag.
Are they amputees?

9. Sharing the grace with the guy/girl beside you in church, yet you leave in your car without offering him/her a lift to a nearby bus stop.
Why not share your car and keep your grace?
10. You’ve not paid your rent, fees or tax but your tithe never suffers.
Always remember: God is merciful, but your landlord or government is not.

There are simply too many abominable practices today in the modern church, fast evolving into a monster church. Too many to even remember. Do you Believers know any?
#iamatruthist .
#truthissacred.
Selah.

FACE OF THE CAVE FOR THE WEEK (Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence)

The cave’s faces of the week!


Name: Tina Wilfred
Date of birth: April 13th
Location: Benin


Likes: Honesty and Sincerity
Dislikes: Lies and greed
Favourite quote: “I do not think failure, i can’t think failure, failure is not an option ,cos greater is he that is in me”.


Contact: Tina Wilfred (Facebook)


Name: Ekeminiabasi Kingsley
State: Akwa Ibom
Field: Civil Engineering (Student)


Likes: Listening to music, enjoys ice cream
Dislikes: dishonesty
Favourite quote: “the limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible” – Arthur Clarke


Contact: 08069434184

To qualify for the next Face of the cave series
*Have your profile be a clear face shot.
*Give a brief description of yourself and please make sure to include your likes, dislikes and hobbies.
*Submit them to the chatterbox team within four days from now via bbm pin- 2898fd68 or inbox Bismark Ekenedilichukwu Benson on Facebook.

Cheers to the new Face of the cave!

Share your thoughts on this week’s faces in the comment box.
We’d also love for you to stay in touch with us! The best way to keep up to date is to subscribe to Bismark’s cave. You can do this by tapping the ‘follow’ option.

Quote of the week- “Life is good for those who dare” – Anonymous