TALES OF A CHOIR BOY.

I’ve been in the choir since my early teens till now, so everything I’m writing is based on my experience over the years.

Ehmm, people always have this negative perception of choristers. Dem say na choir people spoil pass for church, that’s why church members dey always use one eye dey look choir people.

There’s nothing negative they’ve not said concerning those in the choir. As bad as stereotyping is, I won’t deny the fact that most of these assumptions is based on ugly stories people may have heard about these ones who lead songs in the church. I mean choir folks. .

The truth is, there are many wolves in the choir.

I’m not generalizing but that’s a fact. Many ‘small small’ runs (boyfriend and girlfriend tinz) dey happen for choir wey pastor no fit see. Church members no fit know.Na only amebo people like me wey our eye and ear dey receive information like radio antenna, fit know.

“…Receiving Information…”

Maa no lie sha, Church romance dey make sense because e go hard before people know wetin dey happen…Una go dey use ‘brother’ and ‘sister’ cover up. Una go dey use choir practice as meeting point. I sabi every every.

Why choir people no go spoil sef? After all, it’s the DEVIL’s ministry before he got thrown out of heaven. The devil was the commander of the choir and each time the choir sings, Satan gets mad, especially at the choirmaster… because he’s occupying his position. That’s why many choirmasters dey chop all their female members clean mouth. Ask some young girls how they got pregnant, they’ll always say…”It all started after choir practice…”

“… 3 bags of purewater is needed after this…”

I remember, E get this choirmaster wey I sabi one year like dat. E no dey use eye see anything wey wear skirt! Every time e go dey organize special rehearsals for females alone…Sometimes e go use scope dey touch all d whole sisters for choir, all in the name of voice training oh!

E go be like; “Sister Mary come and sit on my Lap lemme hear u sing from ur tummy, today I will show you the difference between ‘F’ sharp and ‘B’ flat….Na so him hand go dey travel upanda… I felt something there, seems you’re singing from the chest…yada yada yada” And the worst part be say, girls for choir dey die for most choirmasters ehhn…I neva still sabi why.

“… Sisters, wear white so i’ll know where to look…”

For this particular man, they line up to visit him, offer to cook and wash his clothes. Dem fit dey even do extra rehearsals for him house.

Choirmaster fit be like “do you know hymn 69?”

Girl : no sir

Choirmaster : bend over and let me teach you! *no talk say na me tell u o*

After committing atrocities, on Sundays they sit at the fore front wearing angelic garments, lifting ‘Holy’ hands in praise and adoration as if they’re in the spirit. They sing with pitch-perfect, sonorous voices laden with iniquity, filth and immorality. Lawd Have Mercy oh!