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Buying A Condom (by Iniobong Leroi Umoh)

Nigerians cannot mind their business! Someborri cannot buy a packet of condom in peace anymore.
One goes to the pharmacy store and asks for the contraceptive, the sales girl mentions the word ‘condom’ and everybody turns and stares at you.

1948. Abraka; the town housing Delta state university alias DELSU.
I walked into a pharmacy to buy three packets of Gold Circle condoms for a sexual health awareness seminar for secondary school students conducted by youth corps members in my PPA.
The lot had fallen on me to purchase the condoms.
“Oh God, why me? I am a Jesus corper o”
“Sharrap, you think we don’t about you and that yellow Delsu chick?”
“Who? Ufuoma? She is my reading partner!”

“Hello can I have two packets of gold circle there?”
“Corper, you want to buy condom?” Dark complexioned sales girl said out loud. All the seven individuals who were in the store swiftly turned around and gave me piercing stares.
The three elderly women in the store gave me the most vicious stares, in their eyes, I could see what they were saying in their minds…
“Boy, you are going to hell fire!”

“Yes, give me three packets” I said in a soft tone while wishing that I had not asked her, wishing I had gone far away to the pharmacy shop in little London street operated by a man.
“Corper, you dey enjoy o, abeg do am small small with dis our Delsu babes o, I no say dem too fine” One loud mouthed guy said across the room, a knowing smile on his face.
“Do not dignify him with a reply!” my mind ordered.
If looks could kill, I could have murdered the sales girl with my looks.
I paid for the contraceptives and tossed them inside my backpack, and walked away with my tail in between my legs.
I could hear whispers from the righteous old ladies…
“Na dem dey give all dis small small secondary school girls belle”
I turned round and yelled; “Its for a sexual health seminar! It is not everybody that buys condoms that wants to use it for sex!” I yelled and moved away.

That one item that people buy secretively.
Imagine buying a condom and your pastor walks in on you…
Can a young lady girl confidently walk into a pharmacy store to buy a condom for her fiancé/boyfriend/husband without her being thought of as a whore by onlookers?
We Nigerians are hypocritical and do not mind our business.
Some people cannot buy condoms in the chemist store in their street, they prefer paying transport to the outskirts of their town where nobody knows them to buy a condom.
Some can only buy a condom at night time when the darkness covers their face.

Iniobong Leroi Umoh

Some send small kids to buy CD for them.
“Antie, I want to buy Cd”
“We don’t sell music Cd here”
“Uncle says that you should give me one packet of Cd”
“What Cd are you talking about?”
“Uncle says you should give me that thing that looks like bolom bolom”
“You small rat! At your age you already know what a condom is? I pity your parents”

A man walked into the pharmacy store and requested for a condom, he got funny stares in return.
“Why are you all looking at me like that? Biko, i am a married man and this is for me and my wife. We no wan get pikin again”
“Oga you dey enjoy o” laughter rang out from the customers.
Please who knows what a condom is used for?


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