Few days ago, I put this in my status on Facebook –
“You will definitely come to that point where you feel like someone else OTHER THAN your boo, would have been more suitable for you…It is okay and normal!”
However deep or real this update sounded; honestly, l had no answers or solution to this situation which is very capable of causing couple break ups. Let’s read what these 3 divas have to say about getting through this rough phase.
Mrs Chinelo Iriele–
It crosses the mind of every married person occasionally, that they might have fared better with an ex than their spouses.
Especially when we have quarrels with our spouses. As well as when we hear that our wud-hv-been gets married. We always want to see if they are doing better than us – If his wife is prettier or looks more happier. Unlike our male counterparts who always go back and try to have a last taste. We may think they would have been a better choice but really it’s all wishful thinking. The truth we should always know is that, we can always guess and fantasize but we will never know the truth.
The truth is that no one can be said to be better except we try them and see. Most times what we think is perfection is actually smoke screens.
I always tell young girls getting married, Social media has given us the wrong impression of a perfect marriage; that unless you and your spouse celebrate each other everyday on all social network platforms, you guys aren’t in love and that’s wrong.
We might see our ex and the wife use each other as MCM or WCW, and we’d think we would have been better with an ex that celebrates us, because hubby doesn’t do so on social media. But I always remind myself to “be content and always remember it could have been worse”.
Lydia Chidiebere Idam–
Loving someone romantically, contrary to the age long belief that its blind is actually not, but a decision or choice, call it whatyou want. You either choose to stay with someone or you decide amongst many around you who is most fit to be in your space or bed. Either way its something you do with arms of information.
Romantic love is not unconditional as over half of the times there’s always the primary factor that caused the attraction which led up to the romance. Which is why I’m very against youngsters and young adults being in romantic relationships because I feel at that level they are hardly aware what path of life they want to take not to mention the kind of person they’d want to be committed to romantically as that has a lot of role to play in how far they’d go in life.
Reading so much of “mills and boom” while growing up has a way of painting a false image in your head that you grow up looking for fantasy where none exists. You can leave the fantasies for the writers with their over active imagination, they need to sell their books. This is real life situation and it’s always stark contrast to what you read in the pages of a romantic novel.
Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t in anyway suggest you wouldn’t see more dope people than your partner; more intelligent, rich, good-looking, spiritual, etcetera. If anything the temptation to see better people appeal to you are usually on the rise the moment you get committed to someone. It’s normal to see those. However, the basic thing that keeps you strong and unwavering in your commitment to your partner is LOYALTY.
I’ve maintained oftentimes that cheating on your partner doesn’t necessarily have to be in bed with someone else but when you start putting someone unduly above your partner, both in communication and association. It’s wrong and its more than fertile a ground to grow confusion.
As long as you remain committed to the person you chose that fulfils you the chances of being caught in the web of thinking someone is better than your partner is zero. For starters, why will you even give someone else that much space to the point you consider them better? That’s except if you’re not happy where you are. Then do the needful if that’s the case- end the relationship not because you’re catching feelings elsewhere but because it’s what you want, then give yourself time to heal before doing someone else.
There might be exceptions notwithstanding. Perhaps you notice it like a jazz😉😂… You can do any of the following:
– Focus on all the good things your partner has done for you, the best times you’ve spent together, see him/her as d best thing that has happened to you.
-Block the person off your mind.
-Focus on your relationship more.
-Communicate more often.
-Spend more quality time together.
– Why are you attracted to this person and what makes him/her seem better than your current partner? Answer the question sincerely and if there’s a tinge of selfishness you know what to do.
-Appreciate the other more. Etc.
All these are to be done to remind yourself why you chose your partner and while you still want them. The grass always look greener on the other side… but is it always green? The person you adjudged better has weaknesses you’ve not confirmed yet and isn’t sure you’d handle.
So until you’ve enough cogent reason to leave your relationship, don’t because you’re catching feelings for someone else who for the much you know isn’t more than a page of a 400 page textbook. The devil you know is better than the angel you do not know might be true here. And leaving the devil to follow a Supposed angel, no matter how we colour it is an act of betrayal. I wouldn’t want to be treated that way. You too I’m sure.
There will be someone other than your boo whom you’ll get attracted to and wish you had met them first.
It is/will be out of your control.
In fact don’t tell me that you have never had a crush on someone other than your boo because if you do, you’re telling me that nature doesn’t play tricks on you sometimes and I can only see you as being “PRETENTIOUS”.
Maybe you started noticing someone else who has a good sense of humour and probably all the package put together of the kind of person you want a relationship with, I tell you it will be wrong to approach such person because just as your feelings for your boo is beginning to fade it will absolutely get to a point where all this feelings you have for this other person will automatically fade.
Persevere! Spice things up! Think about all the good times you have had with her, think of all the good things she has done for you, think of how you guys met, what was the attraction, just think about the good times. If something is missing, communicate your feelings.
This will somehow rekindle the fire.
You see, I am saying these based my personal experience. I know what I went through because I dated someone who never really appreciated my qualities until he finally lost me.
A man or woman that is not disciplined is like a stray cow that can only be stopped when it comes in contact with a strong fence. Being disciplined also means being satisfied…
So many men have lost their perfect mate due to indecision and lack of determination also impatience..
Ladies and gentle men please let us be content. Apply self-control. Don’t be quick to end that relationship because of the side chick who is like your aphrodisiac.
Even if you probably had sex with your side chick and maybe she gave you all the moves or he gave you all the sexual moves your boo never gave you, please never allow it cloud your sense of judgement because this sex thing has a way of changing someone’s mind especially when its a good one.
Be disciplined. What looks appealing may not be all that appealing but a facade, hell in disguise. Stick to your boo, fight the odds, be determined to make it work, be considerate about each other’s feelings, decide to always live him/her no matter what! It will strengthen the bond.
Truer words have never been spoken!