Posted in Cave Tales, Uncategorized

Marriage Counsellor – Iniobong Leroi Umoh

“Pastor! Pastor! I need your help and counselling”
“Calm down brother Silas, have a seat and tell me what the matter is”
“Pastor, my wife has left me! She packed out of the house five days ago and has refused coming back despite all my pleas. I never knew it was going to end this way o”
“What was the issue?”
“We were quarreling and keeping malice with each other. We have not been talking to each other for three weeks”
“You mean you were not talking to your wife for three weeks? And you were both living under the same roof?
“Yes Pastor”

“What was the cause of the quarrel?”
“Pastor it was her food o, she prepared Okro soup that was very tasteless. I couldn’t eat it and i told her that she needs cooking lessons. She flared up and we exchanged harsh words and fought each other”
“So what did you do to mend fences with her? Did you try to broker peace as the man of the house?”
“Pastor…I asked a friend for advice, and he told me to leave the bedroom and start sleeping on the sofa in the living room. He also told me to stop talking to her and refrain from giving her money for anything”
“I hope you did not take that advice!”
“Erm…erm…I did…”
“Are you kidding me? I am seriously disappointed in you, Brother Silas, you should know better than this”
“My friend assured me that it will work. He told me that she will come begging me to take her back”
“Who is this friend of yours?”
“His name is Monsieur Leroi”
“Is he a married man?”
“No pastor he is single”

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“Silas, why are you so dumb? How can you go seeking marital advice from an unmarried person? How would such a person be able to give you the right advice when he has not experienced what marriage is all about? You should know better than this!”
“Pastor please help me…talk to my wife, tell her that I love her, tell her to come back home. Tell her that I miss her so much”
“Brother Silas, is that not your phone ringing? Answer your call”
“Hello, yes, it is me Silas…what are you saying?…Whaaat! Are you sure of this? Did you see them? Is my wife there? Oh my God! Thanks for this info, I am coming right away!”
*Jumps out of seat and rushes to the door*
“Wait! Brother Silas, you looked shocked and agitated, what was that phone call all about? And where are you running to?”
“Pastor I am going to commit murder!”

“What are you saying, Silas?”
“My cousin works as a receptionist in Blue Ray hotel. She just called me to inform me that Leroi and my wife have just checked into a room in the hotel”
“Unbelievable! Just calm down and remember that…”
“Stop it, Pastor! I am going to kill someone. I am going to commit murderrrrrr!!!”
*bangs door and runs out*


Iniobong Leroi Umoh


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