Posted in Bismark's Corner, Cave Tales, Uncategorized

Have You Met This Usher?

I’ve visited so many new generation churches and it has become common to find people that should have been models positioned at the entrance door and other strategic points – all in the name of ushering team. All dis churches, una never talk wetin una dey find.
On arriving some churches as a first time worshipper. As you’re heading towards the entrance door, a paragon of beauty wearing 20 inches heel quickly rushes in your direction and greet.

In my case, I was greeted like her long time boyfriend.

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She extends her ‘claws’ for a handshake and says:
“Hellooooo dear, Good mawwrrrinnnnn…You look so amazing. Like, rweally, rweally tantalizing. I like your shirt.”
“I’m pleased to have you in our midst today. Yuwa so welcome”
(She moves from side to side, strokes hair, stares into your eyes)

“Good morning, Thank you”

“And Uhhm…I don’t think I’ve met this face before, have i?”
(She winks and smiles seductively)

“I’m a first time worshipper here”

“Like serzly? Oh praise the lord, Praise Jeez!”
(You can imagine when a slay queen is in the spirit)
She continues with a breathy bedroom voice,
“I’m Cassandra, Cassie for short and you are…”

“I’m Ekene”

“Oh eeii-kay-neei,” she purrs, stressing each syllable as if she relishes the taste of it.
“Ekky, have a lovely time in his presence. And I look forward to getting to know you berra and berra. Hope this won’t be the last of you?”

“I doubt”

(She chuckles, waves slowly like Miss Nigeria and struts away)

Like I said before, churches that will make temptresses their ushers, what are they hoping to achieve?

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