Posted in Cave View, Uncategorized

I BROKE FREE – by Matthew Blaise

I felt first class type of love today, it awakened from beneath my stomach straight to my head, I felt relaxed being amidst people that truly loved me for who I truly am.

For over years I have been battling with my self-confidence as a human and an effeminate guy at that with curvy waist and big ass, so many times my supposed friends had called me names, and one of which was “impotent dude”.
my teacher in school once hissed and spat at me just because I wasn’t too masculine like other guys.
I started seeing myself as an abnormal creature and creepy one at that, to add to it my nose was quite deformed, very big and I never liked it.

It got to a point my sister started calling me names un-knowing to her She was hurting me.
I remember a friend once asked me “Matthew can you ever marry?”, and another one in school, my senior called me a “faggot” in front of his classroom.
Never for once was I ever comfortable in my real self, thoughts of surgery to correct myself sets in, and I actually started saving for surgery.

Life wasn’t so easy especially with my low self esteem, which my family really planted in me, every time my brother would always walk up to me and call me “woman wrapper” or “your nose be like container”. Not knowing they were building a boy that would cling to the closet for years.
Yes ever since I have been a confused human, I write things on Facebook but not really settled with myself. but everything ended yesterday.

I was taking a stroll in church, almost at my destination when some guys started murmuring and gossiping about me, guys way older than me.
I just turned my back, I took my hands up to them and shouted, “yes, him dey do like girl and him like am like that”, I turned my face right again and made my ass shake at them.
I was so scared after that but the next minute, everything varnished and I felt freedom from the shackles of low esteem I have tied myself to for years.

Today, I shared my story with some adorable people, they were all Happy. They gave me reasons to appreciate myself.
Most times you think others are your problem. No, they are not.
You are your problem and if you are not ready to break free those chains will still clip you tight.

Today I want you to show them that thing that makes them feel uncomfortable around you.
Your real self.
See, your happiness comes first before any idiot.
It is your life.
Live it baby.
It is one.
Let God do the judging.
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