Posted in Bismark's Corner, Cave Tales, Uncategorized

The Real Bedroom Gist Between The Wellingtons

Adesuwa: So I leave my newly wedded husband for a minute to get dressed, only for him to pick up his phone and film our bedroom.
Would it have been so hard to stay off the phone in the course of our honeymoon? No tell me Bankole, would it? I should have known we also got married to that Iphone you’re always absorbed in…
Banky: Susu, trust me, I’m really devastated. (Scratches head) But remember, I’m Mr Capable! I promise to make it up to you in every possible way, I swear honey…

Susu: Interesting! How? Make me understand, Snapchat administrator. Because you’re not the one whose bare butt found its way to the net. (Takes another glance at Gossipmill page and sobs hysterically) Seems like a nightmare! (Sighs) So much for a lavish ceremony in Capetown!
Banky: No no no babes. We’ll survive this. Come on…You’re still the sweetest girl that everybody adores, regardless of this shit…

Susu: Oh please…stop talking big head. I can imagine how nosy folks and unsolicited counsellors with jealousy issues, like Omotola, would feel better about themselves right now.
Banky: Don’t mind her…She should swallow her advice, leave IG, and go and cook for Captain Ekeinde.

Adesuwa: 😀 😀 😀 😀 But It’s not funny anyway. How do we handle this mess?
Banky: We do another loved up photo shoot in say…the Bahamas, on a private island beach…and make haters chew out their hearts.

Adesuwa: You’re sure?
Banky: Definitely susu. I got this one. Remember we are #BAAD like that!

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Posted in Cave Tales, Uncategorized

The Beggars Plight – Written by Owie Osarhen Joshua

My name is Aminat and I understand only a few things. I understand that I have to wear a ‘sad look’ to every figure that passes by me and that i have to hold on with a firm grip to their hems so they can bless my hands before I let go.

I hear you people call it ‘begging’. Call it what you will, I do not understand it that way. I understand that not all of these people blesses my hands. Some sight me afar on my tattered clothing and give a wide berth, some shake their heads vigorously at me when I
come close and they move on even though I cling to them like a gnat.
Some pretend not to see or hear me, some even stone me with the ‘blessing’ and then, there are some that scares me; they shout at me, they are ready to bounce and tear me apart if I so much as take a step towards their direction.

This I understand.
Sometimes, I stand in the scorching sun for hours setting the sole of my bare feet on fire. I stand in the rain and I am soaked to my skin, my teeth chatters afterwards and I shake uncontrollably like a leaf. This I also understand.
I am made to follow my withered uncle who is blind. He holds on to my shoulders with a bowl in his hands and a long stick to hold his frame. I lead him through the big city sprawled before my eyes, through market squares, through shops, through the busy streets, through alleyways, through places I can become lost and I do all these for the ‘blessing’ and I understand it.

I also understand that because i am a little girl, people give me more of the blessing, people give me a second look when I wrap my tiny hands around their big arms. Kabiru, my half-brother, says he gets less of the ‘blessing’, he says no matter how much he tries, he is often chased away, he is often given the wide berth and often ignored. He doesn’t understand it but I do.

I understand all these because of what it stands for. This ‘understanding’ gives me food; it prevents the pangs of hunger from hitting me hard. This understanding makes Baba Musa happy, he is so much excited when the blessing is plenty. On such occasions, Mother cooks elaborate and I get to munch to my satisfaction. Otherwise, Baba becomes sour and angry like an active volcano. He becomes like a roaring lion seeking to devour Mother and my older mothers and it un-nerves me. Mother cries whenever he erupts like a volcano and it makes me sad, it makes me cry too.
I feel afraid because of this ‘little’ understanding sometimes. I feel trapped for a little girl of my age. I try to understand more than this little understanding that I know but i find myself continually lost in my perplexity.

I get to see men and women attired in the nicest clothes. Their children, little girls like me are adorned like a princess. They walk majestically and wear a cocky smile that rocks me from my feet when I see them. I do not understand this.
Exotic cars shoots past me like a bullet. I see them in various colours like a rainbow. Some are small and some are gigantic and they are always beautiful. I sometimes stand before them when they pause in their tracks waiting for that man, waiting for that woman sitting regally in them to bless my small hands thrust before their eyes.

I see these things and I like them; I want them. I see these people and I want to be like them. I love the names given to these things, I love the names given to what these people do.
Kabiru would look nice in a ‘suit’. He would make a fine ‘doctor’. He has this uncanny knack for treating my small wounds and bruises whenever I get one; I often wonder how he does it.
Fatima my elder sister ‘sings’ like an ‘angel’. Her voice is so melodious that when I hear it, it calms my fears, it dries my tears and it lulls me to sleep.
Me? I want to talk to people over the ‘Radio’. I love the voice of the lady that talks to people from that black box. Kabiru said she tells the ‘news’ to people. I do not understand that but I love the confidence in her voice, the way she seems so sure of what she is saying; she sounds like someone that isn’t confused.

I want things. I love things. Kabiru probably want a whole lot more than what I want. Fatima may also do too. But I don’t ‘understand’ this. I don’t understand why I can’t have them, why these people aren’t me, why I can’t drive that exotic car I so much love.
Whenever you see me, do not frown or give me the wide berth. Do not see me as the ‘beggar girl’ you claim me to be.
Rather, see me as the little girl who understand so little. See me as a little girl that is limited by this little understanding.

This understanding may stick me here forever. I am scared of it when it crosses my mind. I do not want to end up like Mother.
Fatima would soon be like her; I often see the Strange Man that comes to visit Baba Musa, I do not like the way his eyes rests on Fatima. They seem like a patient predator bidding its time to bounce on its prey.

Kabiru is not left out. He too is to become a servant to the Strange Man; to become one of his many boys who herds his cattles. Kabiru hates him. He told me he wanted to run away when Baba Musa told him about his decisions. He doesn’t tell me about his plans to escape anymore, maybe he understands it.

You see, I fear everyday that I may never understand beyond this little understanding and that is why I cry to you.
Help me to understand so I can become like the little princesses that I see everyday. Can you help the ‘beggar girl’ as you call me?.

#Thepenwrites

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Posted in Bismark's Corner, Let's Meet You, Styles of the Cave, Uncategorized

FACE OF THE CAVE FOR THE WEEK (Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence)

Stunning looks of the week.
Features: Chen and Ijeoma.


Name: Chen Emmanuel
State: Abia


Field: Civil Engineering


Likes: Everything God
Dislikes: Pride

Yes! Age is just a number!!! Get your Anti- Aging Mask from Star MakeUpWorld/Spa at a very affordable price… Whatsapp us on 08094592460 to place orders.
#WhyLookBeautifulWhenYouCanLookGorgeous?


Name: Oneafolu Ijeoma
State: Anambra


Field: Teaching


Likes: honesty, music, yam lol
Dislikes: abuse/intimidation, lies


Favourite Quote: “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”

_________________________
Quote For The Week
“We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.” – Harrison Ford

To qualify for the next Face of the cave series
*Have your profile be a clear face shot.
*Give a brief description of yourself and please make sure to include your likes, dislikes and hobbies.
*Submit them to the chatterbox team within four days from now via bbm pin- 2898fd68 or inbox Bismark Ekenedilichukwu Benson on Facebook.

Cheers to the new Face of the cave!

Share your thoughts on this week’s faces in the comment box.
We’d also love for you to stay in touch with us! The best way to keep up to date is to subscribe to Bismark’s Cave. You can do this by tapping the ‘follow’ option.
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Posted in Uncategorized

What If It Doesn’t Work Out?

Diary of a Husband Material

Why do we love? Is it in search of companionship? A search for happiness? A search for a deeper connection? Or are we just afraid of being alone’?

It takes courage to say ‘I do’ to the one you love in front of watching eyes at the altar, and also to say ‘I will be your bae/boo’, in the case of a relationship, though so many of us are clouded by the chance to play a role in his/her life after listening to their hopes and dreams for the future, and the soul-searing promises.

I giggle whenever I think about my varsity days. As a hustling student who really didn’t have much savings, I’d stay awake to read, and also talk to Pelumi on MTN’s happy hours once my alarm goes off by 12:30am. We’d talk about how we longed to be in each others’ arms, and also laugh…

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Posted in Uncategorized

WHO SAID LOVE DOES NOT COST A THING?

Diary of a Husband Material

bom_lovedontcost

Being someone’s boo and working at the bank, there’s always a lot to do in just 24hours everyday and the whole schedule of activity and check-ups nearly kills me.

A few days ago, not long before 1a.m, I got a distress call from bae. I had just gotten out from a busy day at the office and needed a long and peaceful night rest, but the thought of my bae in trouble clutched at my throat. I jumped out of the bed, grabbed a shirt and dashed out of the house.
In the space of 50 minutes – thanks to my Uber app – I had shown how I could be transformative from a sleeping eyes to a commanding voice at the nurses at the hospital which emphasized just why being in a union was a full time job on it’s own.

Having guided her through the night to stability…

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Posted in Bismark's Corner, Let's Meet You, Styles of the Cave, Uncategorized

FACE OF THE CAVE FOR THE WEEK (Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence)

Our lovely faces this week are, David and Ann. They are extremely gorgeous and have got the brains to go with it. Feed your eyes!


Name: Adesua Ann Ose
State: Edo


Field: Office Technology and Management
Likes: Food, Good Music
Dislikes: Pretence and lies


Favourite Quote:“If you don’t like where you are, move you’re not a tree.”

Yes! Age is just a number!!! Get your Anti- Aging Mask from Star MakeUpWorld/Spa at a very affordable price… Whatsapp us on 08094592460 to place orders.
#WhyLookBeautifulWhenYouCanLookGorgeous?


Name: Ikenna David
State: Anambra


Field: Agriculture
Likes: Honesty
Dislikes: Dishonesty and stealing.


Favourite Quote: “The Educated differs from the uneducated as much as the living differs from the dead.”
Contact: Ikenna David |Facebook

_________________________
Quote For The Week
“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – A. A. Milne

To qualify for the next Face of the cave series
*Have your profile be a clear face shot.
*Give a brief description of yourself and please make sure to include your likes, dislikes and hobbies.
*Submit them to the chatterbox team within four days from now via bbm pin- 2898fd68 or inbox Bismark Ekenedilichukwu Benson on Facebook.

Cheers to the new Face of the cave!

Share your thoughts on this week’s faces in the comment box.
We’d also love for you to stay in touch with us! The best way to keep up to date is to subscribe to Bismark’s Cave. You can do this by tapping the ‘follow’ option.
_______________________
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Posted in Uncategorized

Raising an Einstein

Diary of a Husband Material

African father helping son with homework“Excellence is never an accident. It’s always the result of a high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction, skillful execution and the vision to see obstacles as opportunities.”

“My child will be the next Albert Einstein, my baby will be the next Chimamanda, my son will even eclipse Faraday’s achievements” …..excerpts from dreams and wishes of most Nigerian parents.

Yes, it is true that even if your child attends one of the public schools in Kaduna State, expectations—not unreasonably—are still high that notwithstanding the chaotic organizations in the set-up and the quality of teachers therein, nevertheless, in the midst of this chaos, champions will still emerge.

I am one of those who grew up outside the cozy confines of being born into wealth. Hence, I attended Government owned schools from my primary, through to my Tertiary levels of education. Truth be told, at some point in my schooling, I was taught…

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Posted in Bismark's Corner, Let's Meet You, Styles of the Cave, Uncategorized

FACE OF THE CAVE FOR THE WEEK (Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence)

This week, I’ll be sharing with you the coolest people I know.
Meet Clara and Stanley!


Name: Sani Clara Egba – Ojo
State: Kogi


Field: Office Technology and Management
Likes: Honesty, realness, humility


Dislikes: lies, pride, pretence, disloyalty
Favourite Quote: “Life is not a pool, it is a stream and one shouldn’t be stuck in one place.”


Contact: Clara Sani |Facebook


Name: Irechukwu Stanley
State: Imo


Field: Economics
Likes: Music and dancing


Dislikes: Greed
Favourite Quote: “It pays to be humble”


Contact: Irechukwu Chisom Stanley |Facebook

_________________________
Quote For The Week
“Safeguarding the rights of others is the most noble and beautiful end of a human being.” – Kahlil Gibran

To qualify for the next Face of the cave series
*Have your profile be a clear face shot.
*Give a brief description of yourself and please make sure to include your likes, dislikes and hobbies.
*Submit them to the chatterbox team within four days from now via bbm pin- 2898fd68 or inbox Bismark Ekenedilichukwu Benson on Facebook.

Cheers to the new Face of the cave!

Share your thoughts on this week’s faces in the comment box.
We’d also love for you to stay in touch with us! The best way to keep up to date is to subscribe to Bismark’s Cave. You can do this by tapping the ‘follow’ option.
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Posted in Cave View, Uncategorized

How We Got Stripped of Our Cultural Identity – by Eze Drizzy Jude

I’ve been watching Bollywood movies since I was a toddler and I’ve never seen any scene where a western preacher walks into a village, goes to a Hindu temple, confronts the Hindu priests, battles the Hindu gods, wins, burns down the temple and converts the entire village to Christianity.
I’ve been watching Chinese movies too since like forever and I’ve never witnessed a scene like that.
But 80% of our Nollywood movies with plots set during the colonial era and even modern times have scripts like this; scenes of African gods being defeated by the white man’s god.

Does it mean that the white man’s god is powerless against Lord Shiva, Lord Krishna, Buddha, Allah and all the Asian gods?
Is it only when matched against the black man’s gods that the white man’s juju is on top form?
Let me tell you something:
Religion is nothing but a war of cultural identity and superiority.
And Africa lost.

The Indians and the Chinese held their gates.
They rejected every aspect of colonialism that sought to tarnish and belittle their cultural heritage. That’s why they stand proud today.
That’s why you’ll never find such scenes in their movies.
That’s why you and I will never see anything wrong with a samurai, ninjas, kong fu, tai chi, yoga and all the things we see in movies from the lands of the rising sun.
Heck, Most of us wanted to be ninjas after watching Five Elements of Ninja and American Ninja, as kids.
The fact that ninjas are historically soulless blood thirsty assassins used by Japanese emperors to inflict fear and death on rebellious provinces didn’t even matter. We all loved them regardless.
But the very sight of a dibia in a Nollywood movie would send negative signals to our brains.

Why do we always portray our cultural heritage in a negative light?
Yes, they were crude and barbaric; evil even.
But which ancient culture wasn’t?
Even the bible and Quran cultures you hold so dearly are no exceptions.
It’s funny how a lot of Africans still believe the white man gave them Christianity to save their souls and bring them salvation. I laugh in 400 years of black slavery and subjugation.

Given how the white man treated our ancestors, like animals, how on earth are you people able to convince yourselves that they gave a fuck about the black man’s soul.
We were animals without souls to them! Don’t you see that you’re still slaves?

It’s 2017, the white man’s world is working on innovative ideas. But Nigerian Facebook is lit with arguments of church tithes and offerings.
Is this how we’re going to be great?
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again.
“Slavery never left Africa. They just removed the chains from our bodies and bound our minds with them”.

_______________________
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Posted in Bismark's Corner, Let's Meet You, Styles of the Cave, Uncategorized

FACE OF THE CAVE FOR THE WEEK (Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence)

This week’s lovely faces are, the regal King himself, Kingsley Precious and the beautiful and sassy Chinonso Agugua.


Name: Chinonso Ubaka Agugua


State: Imo
Field: former banker,former payroll officer with imo state civil service,currently the Secretary Green Party of Nigeria Imo state.


Likes: Intelligence
Dislikes: Disrespect, Lies.


Favourite Quote: live and let live


Contact: Chinonso Ubaka Agugua |Facebook


Name: King Precious


State: Imo
Field: Acting


Likes: Real people.
Dislikes: Fake people.


Favourite Quote: What ever you may be going through, don’t give up too soon.. Help is on the way. In darkest hours of the night come daylight.


Contact: King Precious |Facebook


_________________________
Quote For The Week
“Failure seldom stops you. What stops you is the fear of failure.” – W.J. Slim

To qualify for the next Face of the cave series
*Have your profile be a clear face shot.
*Give a brief description of yourself and please make sure to include your likes, dislikes and hobbies.
*Submit them to the chatterbox team within four days from now via bbm pin- 2898fd68 or inbox Bismark Ekenedilichukwu Benson on Facebook.

Cheers to the new Face of the cave!

Share your thoughts on this week’s faces in the comment box.
We’d also love for you to stay in touch with us! The best way to keep up to date is to subscribe to Bismark’s Cave. You can do this by tapping the ‘follow’ option.
_______________________
Have a story for us? Or want to place ads on the page?
Reach us on our social media handles
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