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Dealing With Breakups by Oge Chi

Being in love is a beautiful feeling. Your head is up in the clouds and life seems to have an extra colour. The grasses look greener and the singing of birds are more melodious.
Then, suddenly, everything crashes like a pack of cards ; your dreams of a happy forever-after, and you are left with feelings of rejection, despondence, dejection and depression.

Break-up periods are always tough. The heart is broken and many negative thoughts come to mind. According Lucia O’Sullivan of the University of Brunwick, break-ups or heartbreaks are a leading cause of psychological stress and suicide among young people. According to the study, it turns out break-ups were implicated in 28 percent of the time over a four month period.

The truth is, we are prepared for everything in a relationship except one, heartbreaks and break-ups.
Most people can hardly handle break-ups or heartbreaks. Some have no clue on how to go about the aftermath but here is a list of things one can do to manage and recover from break-ups and heartbreaks.

1. Cry. Let the tears flow, do not bottle up the frustration and bitterness you feel. Unburden yourself. A study on the benefits of crying shows that it is self-soothing , regulates emotions and reduces stress as well as activates the Para-sympathetic Nervous System(PNS) which aids relaxation. Crying is a natural response to emotions, not a sign of weakness. Suppressing tears can cause some psychological stress.

2. LET GO…it is the past, do not let the hurt and bitterness hinder the present or the future. Psychologically, break-ups or heartbreaks can be demeaning, however, do not give room to the feeling of rejection, depression or dejection. Don’t let it take your mirth. Do not blame yourself or anyone . Do not revenge, it will only complicate issues.

3. Talk to someone about it, maybe a parent or a friend.

Talking can ease off the feeling of rejection. Human beings are social animals and depend on one another for comfort, remember the saying, a problem half shared is half solved ? However, it is important to be cautious of whom you confide in.

4. Do not keep a tab on your Ex. There is usually this feeling of wanting to know what he or she is up to using social media platforms.

This is unhealthy and will only worsen the way you feel especially if your Ex has moved on with another person.

5. Build your self-esteem.
Break-ups can take a toll on one’s self-esteem They are usually accompanied by feelings of rejection and thoughts of not being good enough. It is important to know your worth and that the lost of a partner does define you value.

6. Plan and re-plan on how to live your life with him/her out of the picture. Your relationship is just one part of your life, there are a lot of other things to live for.

Set up goals, e g, in your career, and strategize on how to achieve them. This may not be a walkover , especially when there are shared dreams , promises and memories but try…It’s not the end of the world. Keeping busy takes your mind away from so many things.

7. Hangout with understanding friends in places that will not bring back memories of your past relationship.

It is important to let your friends know the situation of things, that you are on your path to healing, and want to forget, so they don’t raise issues that may remind you. You can also join a support group of people who have similar experiences . Have fun.

8. Attend events, don’t shut yourself out from the world. Have a discussion class, or read book . Explore your talents. Assign those times you usually spend with your former partner to other things, academics, hobbies, etcetera, you won’t miss him or her at those times.

9. Stay away from romantic relationships for a while after break-ups. Give yourself time to heal before going into another one. It can be hard and you may want to prove your worth and to your Ex , that you have moved on without him or her, however it is important to understand that you have nothing to prove. Work on your raw emotions to ensure you aren’t carrying an extra luggage into your new relationship.

10. Give yourself the opportunity to love again. Do not hate or avoid potential partners. Do not generalize, your EX is just one out of many and people differs. Just be cautious.

Finally, break-ups are natural happenings. People can always leave. Learn your lessons, see break-ups and heartbreaks as one of life’s experiences that equip you for the better and live on. Love will find you again.
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